Shot, shot, shot, shot...everyboooody!
by Kristen Fogle
Shot, shot, shot, shot...everyboooody!
Shot through the heart and you’re to blame…
...And another quote from a song involving shots or shots.
I was nominated for an award about a month ago. I was honored, with 125 other women, chosen from around 350, as a San Diego Woman of the Year nominee.
I mention this for two reasons.
One, is to milk every last moment I have out of being a San Diego Woman of the Year nominee.
The second is, because I find something in our nominees’ gift bag a little questionable.
...One of my ex’s drunk friends once accidentally coined the phrase: “Never f*** a gift horse in the mouth.” What he meant was “Never LOOK a gift horse in the mouth.” But of course, his take is funnier. And now when I say it, people can look at me oddly. And smile awkwardly.
(Never look a gift in the mouth...where does that come from, anyway? Apparently, if given a horse as a present, it would be ill mannered to inspect a horse's mouth to see if it has bad teeth--this would be an indicator of age. And don’t be ungrateful that you got an older horse as a gift...it’s a gift! Twelve seconds ago you didn’t have a horse...So, this can be applied as an analogy to any gift--don’t be ungrateful.)
So, that being said, I realize how White People Problems I sound. Ugh, my gift bag contained no gluten free chocolate! It sounds like I’m f***ing a gift horse in the mouth. But I’m not, I swear, I’m grateful for the whole experience, truly. (It did happen to be $85 to attend said event, though. That I will say. So it’s not like the gift bag was entirely a “free horse.”)
What was in the bag was one of those injection shots at a chichi wellness clinic in La Jolla.
...Like ten years ago, I thought I was the first to come up with this idea--basically have a line of nurses on call to give injections to high powered business people. Turns out, it was a really good idea...and one that someone had already thought up.
I digress. The injection I don’t have a problem with. In fact, it seems very cool. Their shots, like B Balanced, support optimal health and wellbeing. Another, Pain Relief, contains magnesium and a blend of other vitamins to ease aches, spasms, cramping. Detox and the Energy Boost...on second thought, I probably didn’t have to explain any of these to you. Immune Boost, Serenity Now, Detox...all do what they say.
What they gave us though was a complimentary shot called The Skinny.
This particular nutrient injection “boosts metabolic function, enhances fat metabolism, and supports weight loss.”
...I’m a motherf***ing lady of the year nom and the thing I have to worry about is still...my weight?
But Kristen, women worry about weight loss.
Yes. I understand, and I’m one of them. My scale is telling me things it’s never said before. It’s being mean spirited. And yes, from not only a health level, but a physical level, I really don’t like it.
But as an executive director of an organization, the thing that helps me get the job done is not looking better (yes, that’s a whole other debate, I suppose). OK, let’s put it this way. The thing that I could use after I’ve spent a day having a minor altercation with a student, trying to meet a deadline for one of our grants (and going on a goose chase for all the papers they need, because, for some reason, the process needs to change quarterly), paying out 30+ people, teaching a class, and presenting staffing changes at a board meeting is...not a skinny shot.
It’s what I mentioned above. It’s an energy boost. It’s serenity, peace, relaxation. It’s that shot of B vitamins when I’m sick (again). It’s cramping relief from being hunched over a computer (or that time of the month, which inevitably happens when you have sixty things going on and only a pair of white pants to wear).
I kind of escaped LA. Because as a woman in my 20s, who had been interested in acting and worked in various aspects of entertainment, I felt I just couldn’t hang. I didn’t want to hang. I’d survived working in a Beverly Hills magazine office that also housed a modeling agency, where they looked at me as undesirable because six foot tall 110 pound Amazons incessantly walked in and out. I’ve been the casting assistant who was never booked on anything as I saw breakdowns that looked perfect for me. I’ve survived anorexia in high school and bulimia in college.
We’ve had a lot of interesting talk in the election about how we treat women. By a sheer process of elimination, you can probably see which way I cast my ballot. But, like many people, though I am an advocate for a woman president and think it’s long overdue, I’m mostly in a camp of not Him. Not for what he stands for. Not who he is in the world. Not how he treats women. Not me.
The Skinny shot isn’t telling me I can be grabbed by the you-know what. It’s not advocating sexual assault or any of that.
But what it is saying is that I’m supposed to look a certain way in the world. And most likely, I’m supposed to look that way for someone else. I’m supposed to be desirable and desired. This is something that is required to be a female leader unfortunately. Likeability is the asset a female has to have to get ahead. That includes a certain physical image.
Am I wrong? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say The Skinny isn’t going into a Man of the Year swag bag.
...I’ll let you know how it goes when I ask if I can have the Serenity shot for free instead. It’s the same price.
...Skinny shot. Psh. One waif shot, please. One...I skipped my meal again shot.
No one has time for that. I don’t have the time for that. Not anymore.
One day being strong, and powerful, and intelligent will be enough.
But I do have faith. That we really are only a few elections (or gift bags) away.